5 Happy Habits for Your Everyday Routine

Seventeen years ago, I stood in the bathroom listening to the chatter from my living room. It was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, and while I was immensely grateful for this new bundle of joy, I was anything but happy. I remember telling my husband, “Something is off. I don’t feel how I’m supposed to feel.”

STOP. RIGHT. THERE.

Supposed to feel? This idea that we are “supposed to feel” a particular way during specific seasons of our life is, quite frankly, setting ourselves up for disaster. Rather than being present in the fleeting moments, we are distracted by our emotional expectations. Emotions and feelings are simply what they are. They come and go in our life, sometimes resembling our current circumstances and other times not. But they are neither right nor wrong. They just are.

Our reactions to these emotions, however, can be right or wrong, helpful or destructive, and maybe even indifferent. I learned this lesson the hard way, so to speak, but it has been invaluable as I journey through each phase of life. I also became aware that we do ourselves a significant disservice when we try to escape or silence the more challenging emotions. Accept them. Feel them deeply. Determine your reaction. Walk it out.

While I wholeheartedly believe that all emotions play a pivotal role in our growth as human beings, let’s focus on just one for now. Happy.

After spending months that felt like years trudging through the trials of depression, I found myself craving happy. There was still joy, found in the love of my family, the giggles of my baby girl and a God who is steadfast and good. But happy was elusive. While I was wasting time searching for it, I learned from a very wise woman that happy is actually created, not found.

This changes everything

Fast forward to today. That baby girl is a teenager now (how did that happen?), and so are her two siblings. With three kids, we are smack dab in the middle of the teenage years, times three!

The years in between have held so much. Moments of peace. Moments of overwhelming joy and happiness. And some really, really hard ones too. Like all of us, life has dealt me some amazing years and some difficult ones. And through every one of them, I’ve learned so much as a mom, as a wife and as a woman.

Here’s what I keep coming back to: having a foundation. Something steady to stand on in the hard moments, and honestly, in the good ones too. A way to notice all the good around me and to create happiness in my life, no matter what the circumstances look like. Because happy really is created, not found. Joy can run deeper than our circumstances, and happy is something we get to build, one small choice at a time.

It takes a quick scroll on social media to see that so many of us are overwhelmed, hurting, tired and searching for happy. It’s evident in our conversations with one another.

Today, I’m happy. And it wasn’t a grandiose gesture or a big aha moment that taught me how to be happy again. It was intertwined with the simplest acts. There it was, right in front of me, amidst all the little things I once thought were too simple to really matter.

Those simple acts are what I like to call “happy habits.” Rather than continuing to search for happiness, how about we create it? If you’re searching for your happy, try adding these 5 happy habits to your everyday routine.

5 happy habits for your everyday routine

Seventeen years later, these are still the habits I come back to, in the hard seasons and the good ones.

1. Let go of perfection

Perfection is a lie. Perfectionism is an obstacle to truly living. Striving for perfection means feeling inadequate, avoiding vulnerability (and with it, connection), inviting shame and eliminating progress.

A few quotes to keep in mind as you practice letting go of perfection:

“Aim for progress, not perfection.” Norm Kelly

“Start doing things your perfectionism prevented you from doing before & do them imperfectly. You can do it.” @ditchperfect

2. Practice gratitude

Journal it. Speak it. Think it. What are you grateful for today? Gratitude is the death of comparison, and it’s one of the quickest ways I know to notice all the good that’s already around you.

3. A daily smile

I practiced this religiously for a year. Think small. Your goal is to add one thing every day that you truly enjoy. Just one a day. Here are a few ideas:

• A funny movie
• Your favorite meal
• Coffee with a friend
• A walk outside
• Sleeping in
• Waking up before everyone else in your home
• Fresh flowers
• An exercise class
• Your favorite dessert
• Planning a trip
• Buying the outfit!
• Turning your phone off for the day
• Buying a present for someone else
• A bubble bath

4. Plan your week

If you are in a season of overwhelm, last-minute decisions are not your friend. Choose a day and time when you will plan the next 7 days. What does the ideal day or week look like? What are your obligations? When will you fit in your daily smile? What time are you going to bed and waking up? Can you squeeze in 15 minutes to get outside? Find routines and rhythms that serve you.

5. Be present

Let go of everything else and focus on the moment you are in. At work? Get after that to-do list. Home? Focus on your family and the routines and rhythms you have set in place. Talking to a friend? Stop thinking about what’s for dinner and give her your undivided attention. Being present brings freedom: freedom from the past and the future, so we can just be.

What are your happy habits?

What are the “happy habits” you rely on? Maybe you don’t even realize you have them. Our habits create our life. Understanding and practicing the habits that create the life we’re after is how we build our future, one ordinary day at a time.

The seasons will keep changing. Some will be full of joy, and some will be really hard. But these little habits give us something steady to come back to in every one of them.

If all of this feels too overwhelming right now, I encourage you to reach out to a professional counselor or your doctor. You don’t have to walk it out alone.

We chat more about living intentionally, creating happiness, living joyfully, motherhood and just life over on Instagram. Hope to see you there!

Jess